My Thoughts on Relationships · The Inner Workings of My Mind

When An Ex Can’t Let Go Of The Hatred

When exes physically insert themselves into your life, it is most commonly known as stalking. However, in many cases, exes indirectly connect themselves to you, ensuring that they are still in your life, while eliminating a legal stalking charge. With the power of social media, pursuing someone who is unaware of your interest in them is extremely simple and is usually harmless. However, this is not the kind of activity I’m referring to. I am talking about instances where a person’s commitment to crazy is alarmingly impressive.

committment-to-crazy

Unfortunately, I have had some dealings with people in this arena. And why they do what they do will forever be a mystery to me. Below are some personal examples that have contributed to my permanent state of “ex” bewilderment. Here’s hoping you cannot relate.

Example #1: My family and friends have nursed me through a few breakups in my lifetime. And because they are my tribe, they are naturally inclined to have my back. But when dealing with an ex who acts like a lunatic, expect everyone on your support team to get a frantic phone call from said nutjob, detailing all of the ways that you are a jackass. This person desperately wants to feel validated by the people in your camp, most likely because the people in this loon’s camp already know to keep their distance. I mean, what’s that old saying? You are known by the company you keep? Yeah…well…no one wants to be labeled as “the cuckoo bird’s friend”, so here’s hoping that your tribe lets the impending phone call go directly to voicemail.

Example #2: If you’ve read my blog before, you know that I’ve written quite a bit about how I’m incapable of hanging onto the past. But when it comes to a hate-filled ex, moving on is not a possibility…like…ever. I’ve actually been in a situation where someone, let’s call her Sally Screwball, harassed repetitively contacted me a YEAR after the relationship with her ex ended. Not a month or two later…a YEAR later. In my experience, three to six months after a relationship has ended is typically the point where people start moving forward. But not Sally Screwball. She chose anger (over therapy), and found herself at the receiving end of a restraining over.

Example #3: When it comes to my Puerto Rican familia, if there is a breakup, the non-bloodline gets the axe.

if-we-break-up

And if the non-blood line is a nutter, my family is smart enough to see through the shenanigans. I can count on the loyalty of my Puerto Rican posse. But not all families are like mine. Some are easier to destroy. Similar to Example #1, psychos tend to enjoy penetrating your personal relationships in an attempt to ruin your life. Even though this fruitcake admitted to hating your family when you were together, your family suddenly blossoms into an avenue of hope, where revenge can be bestowed upon you by the act of manipulation. If this insane person manages to pry your impressionable family members away by offering them “stuff”, while telling them awful stories about you, then the hater wins (and maybe you do too, because you are probably better off without family members who choose to befriend someone who hates you).

Example #4: Wait. The crackpot didn’t win yet?  There’s more? Yes. Yes, there is. Sometimes, all of the above just isn’t enough. Sometimes (and this is a true story), the fruit loop conjures up old documentation that can potentially create a frivolous lawsuit! Although I’m sure it’s every judge’s dream to spend hours of his time hovering over an angry bird trying to do an ex-partner in, I have to admit that this one confuses me most. In a relationship that ended YEARS ago, where there are no children, no shared assets, nothing at all left, walking away should be the only logical step. But apparently, some people are so vindictive, self-serving, antagonistic or plain obsessive in ensuring their ex’s misery, that instead of moving on, they dedicate years of their own lives…in court…seeking revenge.

Here’s the bottom line. The above behaviors belong to a very sad person (or at least to a person who may need psychiatric attention). Finding ways to make someone else’s life miserable is no way to live.

To the exes who can’t get over the hatred, I leave you with this. Your constant presence is like that of a gnat – annoying, but easily swatted away.

 

Waking up every morning obsessing over someone who fills your heart with hate is not healthy. Thinking that you have devised a plan to reach the core of your ex’s being is not realistic. Any type of potential harm you think you may be causing is really only a stress trigger…for you. Because the inevitable truth is that your ex has moved past you. Your ex is waking up loving life and the people in it. And maybe it’s time for you to do the same.

If it isn’t, and you insist on remaining in your ex’s life due to your hatred, please understand that your efforts are noted. But don’t let it anger you further if a smile remains on your ex’s face. Because what you seem to be missing, my dear, is that your ex has already succeeded in releasing the one thing in life that caused the most misery of all – and that, I’m afraid, is you.

 

Do you have a crazy ex story?  Feel free to share it in the comments below!

 

 

3 thoughts on “When An Ex Can’t Let Go Of The Hatred

  1. Hi. Hello. I just started my new blog, and obviously, I’m having a hard time editing my page, I am new to all these stuff so I hope that you can show me the ropes, and hopefully, I’ll get the hang of it, I read all your recent blogs and I gotta say, you are one hell of a writer, and that really amazes me because, I am an aspiring writer as well, I am not that good but I am learning everyday, and I would really like it if people would share how they think of my writings, or to be able to have an audience and make people appreciate that it’s okay to be weird and different. I hope that we can be friends and learn from each other. Thank you!

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    1. Hi Ragazza! Thank you for reading and for your kind comment. With regard to the technical aspects of the wordpress format, YouTube and Google searches were my best friends when it came to teaching me things about widgets and code. For everything else that I didn’t understand, I used outsource.com, which is a site that offers help for a small fee. Although, once you have enough followers in the blogging world, there are usually people you meet along the way who can help at a lower cost and even sometimes, for free. As for writing, I hold a Bachelor of Science, so I’m afraid I am uneducated in the correct way to write. But I would suggest submitting your pieces for publication, so that you have a better chance at working with editors, who can help you be more precise about what you want to say. I also used The Elements of Style by William Strunk and E.B.White to teach me what I didn’t know about sentence structure (although I still have issues with this sometimes). At the end of the day, blogging is about putting yourself and your experiences out there with the hope that people, not only read it, but can relate to it. So, I’d like to think that even if there are a few grammatical errors, it’s the content that is most important. Write when you have something to say, and there will always be a reader who will listen. I think your “Ben” piece is beautiful. And I also loved All About Daniel (I am a Harry Potter fan as well). Good luck to you! And welcome to the blogosphere! 🙂

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      1. Wow! This just made my day! Like, seriously, I didn’t think someone would totally give a little bit of their time to give feedback to any of my Writings, I mean, this is more than what I expected, and I’m starting to really feel a part of this beautiful and creative community. I wish I had known about this long ago, but I’m here now and that’s what matters. I will follow your Blog, and I hope you can follow me back.

        Thank you for your thoughts about Ben, I feel for him and the injustice this world have for people like him. Well, About Daniel, he’s a magnificent creation, and I will always adore him.

        I wish to read more of your posts in the coming days! Happy Halloween!

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